|« No Non-cents Nanna Explains It All||I Am Not Your Mamma, Not Your Friend, I Am Nanna »|
I have heard it say that if you have a trusted friend to talk to you may not need a therapist. I do not know if that is true all the time or not, but I do think a solid friendship has many of the same characteristics in common with a therapist.
In honor of Make a Friend Day, I came up with 20 ideas.
1. Make a plan to get out of the house to be around people. I did not write "crowd". Just 2 or 3 people is less overwhelming. No name tags are required. sitting in front a video game is never going to get people to call you or knok on your door to invite you over for coffee.
2. Even if you are the shy type, hold your head up high as you stand straight and tall as you can. Look at people when you wat their attention.
3. Have a very pleasant look on your face. A sour face puts people off. And for Pete's sake, do not roll your eyes.
4. Un-cross your arms. Let you body language show that you are open to a conversation. Unclench your fists and turn your palms upward.
5. Join a group of people with like interests. Men, it would not work to try to join Curves for women, now would it?
6. Make small talk. The weather is always safe. Every one has something to say about the weather. Do something to break the ice if another person looks interested in speaking to you. Don't butt into a private conversation between strangers.
7. Learn to listen 70% of the time to other people. Beware that some older people when asked, " How are you today?" will give you an organ recital and every detail of how they don't like their son's sife and how the grandkids don't write her letters. Learn to do the opposite of that. People that go on and on about a simple social question are lonely and do understand boundaries. No wonder people do not want to listen to others talk 99% of the time.
8. Be your self with a modem of decorum. Keep your manner simple, politically correct and ever so pleasant. If you are jolly, avoid being the comedian at first, though. Cam it down just a tad so as not to overwhelm a ptential friend.
9. Focus on the postive. Avoid whining about everything or every one that is twice re-moved on your Fathers' step Mother's side that stoe a pack of gum 70 years ago.
10. Keep boundaries set. "I was so nice to meet. I hope I can meet with you again soon. I have to run get the kids from school."
11. When you first make a friend avoid spilling your gutts all over the new person. (boundaries)
12. Be selective. You do not have to be co-dependant with every one you meet on the bus.
13. Be open and willing to let a new friend cry on your shoulder if they are having a bad day. Avoid telling them how to solve the problem. Most people can figure things out for them selves if they can have a friend as a sounding board. Use reflective listening skills.
14. Learn about a new friends interest with out being one -up on their skills and intersts. Many your are more knowlegable, but back off while you are practicing your listening skills.
15. Friends will agree to disagree at times. Do be gentle. " I do see where you are coming from, but in my experince I have found ___was helpful. Have you considered trying that?"
16. Friendship is mutual give and take. It works both ways. If a new friend is always about themself, you do have options. You can speak honestly and ask them if they could listen/ be a sounding board with an urgent issue. Or you can analyze how you feel when you are with this person and act accordingly.
17.People like to talk about themselves. Ask leading questions rather than yes or no questions. Hopefully a new friend will treat you the same way and listen to you for 70% of a conversation.
18. You do not need to buy friendship. If gifts are what is required for a friendship, visit another group of people. Beware of those people who have to buy your attention with expensive gifts. Are they expecting "what" back in return?
19. Respect a new friend's right to privacy. Never gossip about them and do not listen to gossip their gossip. A friendly warning is something to take under advisement. Do not ask snoopy questions nor should you inspect with a white glove their personal belongings.Never take over another womean's kitchen nor spank her children. (Boundaries)
I once knew a women who the minute she walked into my friend's house picked up the sponge at the kitchen sink a microwaved it for a minute. She had a compulsion to do this every time. the intriueing thing was that the woman was abig time hoarder. I saw her truck with dirty socks and very old food strewn around with dirty napkins and bills. Santizing asponge just did not make sense.
I had a neighbor who let herslef into my house. Often she would open the bathroom door to find me in the shower getting ready to work the 3-11 shift. She assumed we were best buddies. I did not like the way she violated every boundary I had to set. She gossiped about the entire neighbor hood and Idid not want to hear the unreliable things she said. this poor lonely womandid not have aclue about baoundaries even when they were point blank set.
20. When you find a new friend do remember that your friend is not your doctor, not your nurse, not your pharmasist, not you free baby-sitter, not you free Taxi ride and not your therapist.
After checking out my top of my head list of 20 ideas, what are a few things that do you think I mentioned might have something in common with a therapist?
What characteristic do you have that makes you a fabulous friend?
I will start. I have a lot of patience to be a good listener.
Don't be shy, I would love to know about you so we can all learn something new. (Keep it clean and within personal boundaries. Once you post something, it stays in cyber-space forever and ever.)
I am Malika Bourne the No Non-cents Nanna saying, "Make good choices."
I found some way cool things about friendship on wikihow.com the links below might give you some of your own ideas on how to make new friend for "Make a Friend Day."
http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Friends on How to make friends.
http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Kind-to-People-Worldwide How to be kind to people world wide.
http://pinterest.com/wikihow/ chek out their boards tha show how do to many new things.
The above photo was takenby me last year when my daughter, her children and her best friend and son all went to =gther to the grand opening of Yo-yogurt.the tow children are one of my grand daughter and her best friend. they have been best friends since they were babies.